Born Again....

Yup, I have left my job (and the house tied to it) of 16 years. I have had to condense a 3 bedroom house down to one room! But it was a catharsis in so doing. It was especially releasing to get rid of a mountain of music/pc/gaming mags and discs. I had kept them for articles and tutorials, but never read them since...so they had to go. It really feels good to go through all you have amassed and thin it right down to what you actually use and have need of. You certainly won't miss what you haven't touched for months.

I start my new job in the morning, and am looking forward to being a part of my mate's young business, and hopefully my job will expand alongside his company. It is a rural/agricultural contracting business. JCB work, firewood, fencing, haymaking, paddock maintainence etc. that sort of thing. Should be good. Although it means I have less free time available but you can't have it all! I also have broadband here in my new home.....a further bonus I am certainly enjoying!





Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.

The Times They Are a Changing....

It's weird how things change, and looking back at my last post, how things can seem so dark and not really be as bad as all that anyway! I put my car in for the work needed and it passed the 2nd time all for about £130 in the end.....So I'm a little more in debt than I was...so what.

I've made some life changing decisions these past weeks, and decided to become self-employed and make my own way in the world and stand or fall according to the job I do, and not to the minimum amount someone can get away with paying me. It has been a difficult road to get to where I am, but the time is right and what is the worst that can happen? I can fail miserably, or come down with a debilitating illness....them's the breaks, such is life...I might even succeed in creating a well paid job for myself that gives me a nice place to live and a good base to create a pension and savings from...maybe even buy my own home- it's all down to me, and I am prepared to try it out. Just gotta find somewhere decent to live at the right price!

Life is all about choices...a disaster could be an adventure with a different state of mind, perspective directs experience.....you choose!


Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.

Life is what you make it.... Sometimes I wish that wasn't true, because it means I've got no excuses, and have to accept that I put myself where I am. I thought I had my head sorted out really; that I had things understood; but now I'm going uphill again towards the next outpost in this strange experience through the physical realm.

It's weird how seemingly innocuous events, that are relatively small on their own, can unearth and burst a massive boil of pain and conflict bubbling underneath, in the background...My car failed it's M.O.T. yesterday, (not on much...mainly needs the replacement of the front suspension strut top mountings and a new tyre...) but that event stirs up a world of feelings and disappointments about myself and the way I have lived my life and leaves me depressed and spending most of my day in bed asleep, because I prefer dreaming than life at the moment...

What is it about life when you feel most like you need support of loved ones, but you find yourself most alone, not least because you make it that way too.....sometimes I am my only enemy....but the truth is here somewhere, and I have faith that I am believing in something else, which is why I am depressed....so I have to be humble and open to change my mind about myself and the choices I am making. God this living is hard sometimes. When oh when am I going to make choices that bring success to me, that don't leave me in this apparent pit of no money, and just more debt. I am choosing thoughts that don't work, and trying to use that same insanity to make sane thoughts!!!

The voice for Truth is my only saviour.....when will I just stop and listen, instead of trusting my own misguided mind...? I'll overcome this stage, and become stronger, but it is painful at the moment...


Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.

.....mmmm.....long break from having anything to say....never mind.

35 and at a pivot point in my life, really so much that needs to change....so much that never came to be....people I never found....places I never visited.....things I didn't get round to doing.....all have brought me to this place in mind and thought, and leave me with questions that I've never asked of myself before.

If I am honest, and weigh up the balance, I have nothing that I own, my current debts though not substantial would not be covered by my "possessions", so I am "worth" nothing.....go figure. What is "worth" anyway, possessions, material things have no meaning in truth...they serve as distractions, but on your death bed you wouldn't be concerned with them....

I have saving graces which I am grateful for, and have the rest of this life to build something that is of real worth...there is always a way forward, even when your mind is in the darkest of times.....

I am finding that giving is the secret. Wanting, taking and having, leave you with nothing but a desire for more....never being fulfilled. Whereas being of service, giving to others, in whatever way that may be, is the true secret of living........in order to have, give.


Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.

Happy New Year to everyone, hope it is the best for you.

Something occured to me today.....we are at our most happiest when we are being creative. Time disappears, worries fade into nothing and we connect with our highest self, when we are creating. Whatever way that may be for you- making music, drawing, computer art, writing, joy in another, whatever, find a way to create....it will keep you sane...and take you out of any negative feelings you may be having.


Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.

The Trafalgar Square plinth.......what to put on it........?

The proposed "artworks" are fine in their own right, but fail to engage as "statues".

For me I would rather see a recognition of the blitz spirit of London in WWII, something that celebrates and recognizes the civilian effort during the war. I had an idea of a mother holding her childs hand, whilst walking under an unmbrella held by an ageing ARP warden, whilst bombs bounce off it. This would appeal to me far more I have to say. Not evryone can appreciate the subleties of "modern" art, something a little more obvious and easily translated would be more suitable.


Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.

Ahh, the end of a strange and contemplative week for me. My head occupied with thoughts of the future...will I be doing this dead-end, but enjoyable, job for another 15 years, or will I finally take the leap and live the way I deserve to, doing what I'm best at and not what is comfortable.

I have so many "loops" that constantly play in the back of my mind, that speak of my feelings of worthlessness and continually thread my mind with reasons not to move forward and into what would make me happiest. Voices I have created subconsciously, and subscribe to; and that are negative in their instruction and consequence. Not in any particularly dark way you understand, but just the subtle influences many of us have at the back of our mind, that keep us from being fully who we really are.

The challenge is changing these habits of thinking, a process that has been particularly noticable to me these past weeks.....Where am I leading myself?......Is it what I most want for my life?......Will I ever finally take the step forward into what I most would like to be?....and, What is that for me?.....and, How long am I going to be content with asking questions, and never really finding and acting on answers?........

Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.

Sunday, strange day sometimes...like you want to do something different than the rest of the week, but in a round about sort of way, you do anyway.....erm....


When it's wet and dark and wintry outside, thoughts move inward here.

Thoughts and memories intertwined, with smiles, sighs and tears.


Of all that we saw within each other, and the promises our joining gave,

We let in the shadows to divide us, and fear to hide love away.


And now the glimpse of a sweet rejoining, presents itself anew,

With lessons learnt and feelings affirmed, love has shined through.

©Enoch November 30th 2003.



Wow, where did that come from.......don't you just love inspiration, just letting things write themselves, whilst trying not to get in the way...??

Sundays are best when allowed to be a time of consolidation and review. And of thanks and appreciation for what you enjoy most in life, a celebration of all that you love and are most grateful for. In thanks, there is a restoration of spirit that builds you ready for the time ahead. Ahh, the simplest things in life often go un-noticed for too long, but remembrance is sweeter for it. What will you remember today? Give yourself a moment......

Love, Light and Peace,

Eny

Eny, pronounced "ee-nee", or "ee-knee", short for Enoch my "alter-name", or whatever.

Farmworker/ tractor driver is my profession, also musician and thinker/ philosopher and many other wide and various interests and curiosities.

I am a questioner, or doubter- same thing really- I like to keep an open mind, and have learnt that once you ask a question, you must be still for the answer, then question the answer. Truth stands up to any amount of challenge and in the end, only Truth is true...there is no right or wrong, simply choice, it is simply a question of: do you want the consequences?