Life is what you make it.... Sometimes I wish that wasn't true, because it means I've got no excuses, and have to accept that I put myself where I am. I thought I had my head sorted out really; that I had things understood; but now I'm going uphill again towards the next outpost in this strange experience through the physical realm.

It's weird how seemingly innocuous events, that are relatively small on their own, can unearth and burst a massive boil of pain and conflict bubbling underneath, in the background...My car failed it's M.O.T. yesterday, (not on much...mainly needs the replacement of the front suspension strut top mountings and a new tyre...) but that event stirs up a world of feelings and disappointments about myself and the way I have lived my life and leaves me depressed and spending most of my day in bed asleep, because I prefer dreaming than life at the moment...

What is it about life when you feel most like you need support of loved ones, but you find yourself most alone, not least because you make it that way too.....sometimes I am my only enemy....but the truth is here somewhere, and I have faith that I am believing in something else, which is why I am depressed....so I have to be humble and open to change my mind about myself and the choices I am making. God this living is hard sometimes. When oh when am I going to make choices that bring success to me, that don't leave me in this apparent pit of no money, and just more debt. I am choosing thoughts that don't work, and trying to use that same insanity to make sane thoughts!!!

The voice for Truth is my only saviour.....when will I just stop and listen, instead of trusting my own misguided mind...? I'll overcome this stage, and become stronger, but it is painful at the moment...


Love, Light and Peace,
Eny.